Real love is always fated

Real love is always fated. It has been arranged before time. It is the most meticulously prepared of coincidences. And fate, of course is simply a secular term for the will of God and coincidence for His grace. 

 

~ the Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason

心中充满了希望

再过多几天，就到2012年了。今年2011，我过得非常充实，非常fruitful，生命里，结满了果实。刚才的祷告，我告诉天父：“明年，我会将生命完完全全，交给教堂，交给天父，不再为我自己而活了。”

回想起这些年来的日子。以前30年来的生命，都是为自己而活，为了自己的快乐，为了自己的欢乐，舒适，目标。。全都是自己的私欲。每个日子都是为了要讨好身边的人，家人，自己，为了要达到世界为我定下的标准而活。结果到头来，一点意义也没有，过得只是日子，达到的目标也不会觉得特别快乐或有成就感。到头觉得，这些日子是白活一场，生活空荡荡的。

我的祷告，2012年，将会使我生命中最灿烂的一年。我答应自己，我会好好的跟随耶稣，我的救主，走过每一个日子。。。我很盼望，很期待。我知道，这个旅程会很精彩，因为我的救主不是一个死板的救主。现在，我的心里充满了希望，喜悦。2012年，我来啦！！！

十二月八日

Because of my chains, most of the borthers in the Lord have been encouraged to speak the word of God more courageously and fearlessly. Phillipians 1:14

沁，

你的处境不就像Paul和 Timothy一样吗？无助，被捆绑。记得吗？那天你的祷告，你不就叫耶稣去考你的信心吗？考验来了。现在你的处境，你恶劣的工作处境，被一对野狼，饿鬼包围住，被侵犯，被耻笑，被侮辱，但，沁，你记得你自己是谁吗？你记得你自己在神的眼里是谁吗？你记得在神的眼里，你的身份吗？你有同流合污吗？你有害怕而畏缩吗？你有勇敢的站起来吗？。

如果，你因为世界给你的枷锁，不退缩，不害怕。在主里的弟兄姐妹会因为你的勇气，对主的信心而增加，stirred up. 沁，别放弃哦，因为我在你身边。

天父上

ps: 感谢你，上帝。

through it all

Thank you my wonderful savior. I remembered how you have saved me, and through it all, You still love me, You have not abandoned me, You have choose to find me, even when you already have so may sheeps, you chose me. Thank you Jesus.

This is a beautiful song that I have sang and used for my quiet time today. I cant help but remember all the good things that God have done in my life. because of my weakness and my brokenness in those times, in those season,I have given a chance to experience God's goodness and mercy, and it is tat time I realize how He have loved me. I can't help but kneel and bow down because of His greatness...

Dear Lord, hear me sing (with my crooked voice, but with a grateful heart)

Through it all
You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to You
And I wait on You

I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

You are forever in my life
You see me through the seasons
Cover me with Your hand
And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to You
And I wait on You

I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go

I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

Everlasting Father, I love You
Ever living Savior, I love You

I'll sing to You Lord
A hymn of Love
For Your faithfulness to me
I'm carried in everlasting arms
You'll never let me go
Through it all

God have chose you

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.  In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.

In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory. 

Ephesians 1:3-14

created to be loved by him

"Eve was not taken out of Adams head to top him, 

neither out of his feet to be trampled by him, 

but out of his side to be equal with him, 

under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him," 

by Matthew Henry 

at Radisson Hotel Manhattan (New York City).

 I am still reading that book, Boy meets girl, say hello to courtship by Joshua Harris!! Ha..<..oh man..when am I going to finish this book. Ha!! in fact, I don't really want to finish this book, so many interesting facts, interesting theory. Sometimes when i came across good books, one part of me wanted to finish reading the whole book, the other part of me wanted to really savor every small little detail in tat book, wishing the pages will never come to an end. Ha!!

Marina Barrage

Before Saturday, our kite out day, everyone was really concern about the weather in Singapore.

I start receiving lots and lots of SMS and watsapp!!

R says: "Abby, I think you should just postpone the event, it was raining for the whole week!!!"

A :"Abby, I think you should just bring your umbrella, in case it rains.."

R :"Abby, what's plan B if it rains? any indoor activity?"

K: "Abby, I dun think I'm coming, its totally gonna rain.."

I wasn't thinking about all those questions until they were presented to me. "Ha!! Its gonna be a miracle Saturday", I was telling myself. In fact, me, Ben and my whole cell group have been praying about this outing for the whole week. This is an outing that I have been planning for the whole month, not for anyone, but for one of my precious friend who has yet to met my Saviour. It was an outing to build relationship.

I told God, "Dearest God, let our outing be fabulous. Let it be a perfect weather with clear blue sunny skies and windy to fly my kite way up high. Yes, dear Lord, everyone have been talking about the weather, but I know, when Elijah pray for the rain to stop, the rain simply stops. I want to pray like Elijah..I want a miracle. Look at my heart dear Lord, You said, if I have faith, it will happen...God, I have faith. "

Saturday came. SMS came, A says: "Abby, you sure you are not bringing umbrella? Let me bring one for you OK?" the skies look abit gloomy, but in my heart I trust in my God, my faith was UNSHAKABLE!! HA!. I was telling God, "no matter what, it will be a perfect day just for me. Simple because, All things for for good to those who love Him! Woo Hoo..."

We were so late that day, after grabbing the MOS burger from City Hall, we head to Marina Bay MRT. we were looking high and low for the bus stop 1. (The actual location was located after you come out from MRT, walk for 5minutes under the overhead bridge and TA DA!!! Bus stop 1 is there!!!)...we took a shuttle bus, it was FREE!! I was thinking..."Oh MAN!! Its raining!!!" true enough, when we reach Marina Barrage, PU..ShHHH... RAIN!!! It was already 4pm, we were an hour late. =(

"Hey God, thanks ler..." I was actually complaining in my heart.

Ha!! THEN...know wat? after 5mins, the rain stops...and 

Kim pointed out from where we were sitted, she says "LOOK!! A RAINBOW!!" AWESOME!!! "

"Hey God, thank you ler!!" This time round, I was saying thanks with a thankful heart.

The rainbow simply means a promise from God.

God says,"Hey Dear beloved Abby, i remember your prayer..Do you still remember what I have promised you? Look at the rainbow, this is to remind you that I remember you. I kept my promise to you"

We decided to head to the barrage cafe for a coffee fix!! chat chat chat...a while, we were all geared up to fly our kites!! 3 of us were running on the field, trying so hard to fly up the kite, we ran so many round, until people around us were eventually staring at us" what are these 3 girls doing? are they nuts?" I'm sure this must be what they were thinking!! ha!! we din really care, we were really having a great time..in the end... our kites flew up!! High High and above!!! AWESOME!!! (special thank to Alvin for helping all of us to fly up those S$2.90 kite)

around 6pm, the sun is going back home.. SUNSET!!! OMG!! I still remember I was telling my colleague when I was in Male on Friday noon, "I have never really see beautiful sunset, you know? I wonder, when will I be able to see a really nice sunset?" TA TA TA DA...Look at that amazing gorgeous sunset!!! the back drop of Marina Bay sands, the Singapore flyer!! OMG!!! I'm gonna faint...the view is simply so amazing, its taking my breathe away!!! I wish I can tell you how beautiful yesterday was..the sunset!! the wind...the everything!!! It was just PURRR FECT!!!

the sunset was beautiful!! Praise the Lord!!

OK..let me just sum it up. I'm getting pretty much really naggy now. What happened last nite, Saturday, was a true miracle for me. Everywhere in Singapore was really raining, BOOM BOOM, thunder everywhere, every part of Singapore is raining, thunder everywhere, its RAINING!! But Hey..God is good, He remembers me. He remember that His dear child, Abby wanted to fly kite. and here it is...NO RAIN IN MARINA BARRAGE..plus, when we reach there, there was a light shower. But, guess what issit for? Is for God to tell me how much He loves me!! A RAINBOW!! Perfect windy day, (even though Alvin have been complaining that the wind wasn't blowing at the same direction constantly), to me....it was a perfect weather. and the best part was...BREATH TAKING SUNSET!!! OMG!! It jus couldnt get any better.

I was telling everyone, Vikki, Koyie, Raymond, Alvin, Jo, Shu Fen, Lee Hwa, Joy, Vincent...How amazing was my Saturday. It was one of the best day in my life!! WOOO HOO!! Praise God!! Dear God, I totally get it. It was amazing, and I love YOU!!

a note from heaven

I was feeling distress last nite. Lost and losing hope again!! Ha..but hey...God is telling me this. 

I have been meditating on this since last nite. I want to share with you what God have spoke to me in times when I need comfort. He is always there. I was thinking to myself, Hey, what a great Psalm. I want to write it down, copy it down on a piece on paper, it will be written on my dairy (this dairy was filled with all my dark side, my past secret, my past nightmare and all my fear), I want to write this psalm on every other blank page on this diary, cause this is the light God have shown me...I want to write it down till it is written in my heart, my soul and my mind.

Psalm 27

A Psalm of David.

 ¹ The LORD is my light and my salvation;
         Whom shall I fear?
         The LORD is the strength of my life;
         Of whom shall I be afraid?
 ² When the wicked came against me
         To eat up my flesh,
         My enemies and foes,
         They stumbled and fell.
 ³ Though an army may encamp against me,
         My heart shall not fear;
         Though war may rise against me,
         In this I will be confident.
        
 ⁴ One thing I have desired of the LORD,
         That will I seek:
         That I may dwell in the house of the LORD
         All the days of my life,
         To behold the beauty of the LORD,
         And to inquire in His temple.
 ⁵ For in the time of trouble
         He shall hide me in His pavilion;
         In the secret place of His tabernacle
         He shall hide me;
         He shall set me high upon a rock.
        
 ⁶ And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me;
         Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle;
         I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the LORD.
        
 ⁷ Hear, O LORD, when I cry with my voice!
         Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
 ⁸ When You said, “Seek My face,”
         My heart said to You, “Your face, LORD, I will seek.”
 ⁹ Do not hide Your face from me;
         Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
         You have been my help;
         Do not leave me nor forsake me,
         O God of my salvation.
 ¹⁰ When my father and my mother forsake me,
         Then the LORD will take care of me.
        
 ¹¹ Teach me Your way, O LORD,
         And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies.
 ¹² Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries;
         For false witnesses have risen against me,
         And such as breathe out violence.
 ¹³ I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
         That I would see the goodness of the LORD
         In the land of the living.
        
 ¹⁴ Wait on the LORD;
         Be of good courage,
         And He shall strengthen your heart;
         Wait, I say, on the LORD!

yellow is the colour of sunshine, ray and hope. Thank you for shining into my life, dear Lord!!! woo HOOO>...God, you are AWESOME!!!

Heal my heart

Dear God, 

Will you?

"Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity"

Love, 

your child on earth

Abby

Sarah 的态度

"Is anything too hard for the Lord?" Genesis 18:14

神告诉Abraham，他要祝福Sarah时，

Sarah笑着说。。

 "有可能吗？神啊！别跟我开玩笑啦！真的吗?.."

那天，当神告诉Ben关于我们的关系时，我的态度和Sarah的是一样的。

在心里那以相信，很多质疑。对神的质疑，犹豫，这是应有的态度吗？。。

神有告诉过Ben关于我们的未来吗？。。让我好好的和Ben聊聊吧。

我不应该像Sarah一样，持着不相信的态度。

 神说了：“究竟，有什么可以难倒我？”

神啊，帮助我改变我的态度。。

Help me with my unbelieve. 

15th September 2011
`

将福说。。

将福说。。

When God want to use you, it is not base on your abilities, but it is base on your willingness to serve. 

沁说。。

Abby, are you ready?...are you ready to be use by God?..pick up the call, God is calling from heaven.

天父说。。

Serve not base on your own convenience. Serve and raise up when you are called and when the opportunity comes. 

Dearest Abby, my dear child. 

Are you ready?....are you ready?.

come, join me..do not be afraid. Let us run this race together, hand in hand. 

I will be holding your hand. *smile


28th August 2011

亲爱的天父

亲爱的天父，

谢谢你。

谢谢你，救了我。

你的手从天堂伸出来，伸至地狱。

然后，把我从哪里，救了出来。

你的小女儿

沁

二零一一年 十月 二十三日

4th November, 2011

Joshua 5~6 读着Joshua， 我理解，有时神叫我们做的事是那么的无厘头。哈！例如，叫着Joshua在Jericho城外，带着那块木头（在别人眼里，是那么可笑）Ark of covenant，每一天连续6天在城外操步1次！，真的超搞笑！但是，人们的心里又在笑吗？每个人都在笑，但是Joshua的心里是那么的踏实，那么的平静。因为神在他的生命里，是多么的真实，那么的靠近。神就像是他的朋友一般，无时无刻的陪伴在他身旁，想导师一般，在艰难时，给于忠告。

Joshua尊崇着神的每一句话。神真正的在寻找一个全心全跟随他的人，一个全心全意相信，遵从，而毫不犹疑的仆人。一个willing。。真心相信神，有着一颗不动摇的信心的一个人类。

神阿。我求求你，教我如何更加听从你的话语，你的每一个为我好的指导。给我一颗willing的心，一个甘愿为你的心。我要把我的每一个缺点，一个一个改掉。变成一个让你喜悦的孩子。我只想跟从你，走你为我铺的那个道路。。教我，提点我，引导我。。带我走。

My secret place

In this chaos and fallen down world. Is there a place you can go whenever you are hurt? Is there a place where you can find love when you are lost? Is there a place for you to hide when you are all wounded and hurt?

I have found my secret place, in Christ, in God alone. I have found my peace, my hope and salvation. Listening to this song when I am in SFO now, reminds me, how God have hide me under His wings, when i need a shelter. How God have look for me when i was lost in darkness. 

Secret Place by City Harvest Church

Lord of my life I love you
Lord of my days I trust in You
Living beneath the shelter of your wings
My heart's safe

When I am lost you find me
When I’m in need you shelter me
Lord of my life you are my secret place


Clothe me in your presence lord
Draw me near to you
All my heart I long to give to you
Living to be near you lord
I long to see your face
Lord forever you're my secret place


You're my peace
You're my rest
You're my se-cret place
 

十字路口

刚才在网上和小福聊天。回想起过去。小福说得一点也不错，因为十年前我的选择，改变了我十年后的生活。十年前，站在十字路口时，我做了一个选择。因为无知，因为七情六欲，因为爱情，因为禁果，因为执作，因为迷茫，因为害怕，因为方便。。一切一切的理由，变成了我十年的漫无目的，十年的荒废，十年的徘徊。也同一时间，十年前，小福作了一个决定，跟随上帝，把生命奉献了给神，也因为这样，命运改变了。。

我不停的哭泣，是因为我真不敢相信，以前的我竟然选择了人。。而不是神。神可以给的，是世上无双的，多么的完美无瑕。想起过去，我没有活出自己，完全不知道自己的身份，也不知道神的应许，也不会想到神为我准备的未来。每一天就是过着无头无脑的生活，每天就是吃喝玩乐，逛街，喝茶，吹水，看电视。。一直在玩。有是一个人时会想，这。。就是生命吗？生活就是这样而已吗？。。那么闷？。。要玩的我也玩过了。。要做的，也作了。。就这样而已吗？。

因为我那八年半的感情失败和背叛，我曾在地狱里活过了一阵子。想知道详情？改次得问我哦。地狱里。。没有欢笑，没有希望，只有黑暗，只有哭泣声，痛苦，呐喊，无助，心痛，心碎，糟蹋。。在哪里，我看不见自己，也看不到任何东西，仿佛全世界只有我。没有任何东西，声音，或生命。全部都是死人，死物，死气沉沉。那时，脑海里只想到一样东西。很痛苦，我只想了结着生命，我只想了结这痛和苦。死掉算了。

神就是那么的爱你，和我。他看见了我的泪水，心痛，绝望。他伸出了他的手，慢慢，慢慢的把我拉了起来。在地狱的低谷里，他牵住了我的手。。一直不放开。不放弃，慢慢的，耐心的，充满爱的把我救了出来。我感恩，我赞颂，我高声欢乐的呼喊！因为耶稣，因为上帝，我重新获的了新生命，新希望，新喜悦！我重生了。

我心里，有一个希望。希望，在读这部落的你。如果你也和我一样，活在恐惧和绝望里时，你不用再害怕了。神可以把你的一切改变，他很爱你。在黑暗中歇斯底里的呐喊吧，神他听见了。寻找他，因为只有他可以给你新希望。

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." 

Matthew 7:7

恋爱第五天

其实已经不想再恋爱了。因为害怕，怕心痛。。但是，有着神的承诺，心的功能本来就是去体会，去爱。没了爱，心就只是一团肌肉而已。小福气是真的很贴心，这几天阿，都一直很爱着我。很甜蜜，很窝心。

今天阿，是我们恋爱第五天。还记得第一天和福牵手看电影时，心里是卟嗵卟嗵的跳，感觉是甜甜的。电影好像都不能贯注的看，因为忙着甜蜜，忙着恋爱。哈！

看见面子书大家的认同和祝福，很开心。知道我的爱情故事大家都很关注。对阿，还记得一年前，我的生命其实是一团糟。那时心都已经破碎了，每一天过着行尸走肉的生活，每天只想到死。但是因为有神，有了爱。朋友，家人，教会还有神的爱，支持，关怀，恩典，帮助了我过了那次的难关。（想知详情，要带我去喝茶哦！）重新找到了自己和生命的意义。

真的，这爱情，得来不易。而且，对我们来说，是一个新的开始，新的里程碑。虽说只是恋爱，没什么大不了，但冥冥中能够在人海茫茫找到相识相惜的另一半，对我来说，就是奇迹，就是天大的开心事！！

好啦。。 不聊啦！我要去刷牙了。今天会很忙，忙着恋爱啦！！哈！真开心。

用心去爱吧。

I remember last Saturday, I was praying and really looking for an answer, from God. I was telling Him, God, what if wht if what if...is he the one is he the one is he the one?...all these questions keep popping out from me. I guess the real reason why I do not want to get involve in a relationship, is the fear of heart ache, heart broken again. Till now, i can clearly remmeber, how heartache feels. 感觉还是那么的真实，还是那么的清楚，那痛，历历在目。

天还未亮，我就穿起了跑步鞋。哦，原来我忘了带袜子，我想。袜子罢了。。不能阻扰我去健身，流汗！！冲啊。。结果阿，跑了两个小时。感觉超棒哦！汗流浃背。把鞋子脱了。。天啊！！Blister!!有血的脓阿。。很痛。痛得我整个晚上都难以入睡。

睡不着，干什么好呢？当然是和天父对话。我说啊。。神阿，你听到吗？我很怕，真的害怕会再有那心痛的感觉。到了现在，心是好了，不再痛了，但。。我真的很害怕。然后。。神回答了我说。。

““你脚很痛吧。但是，因为脚的功能是要来走路的，就算是痛，长了血瘤，还在恢复的当中，你也得走啊。。一拐一拐得走。。那血瘤会恢复的，会有疤痕。但是，当你走路时，你会忘了你以前有过那桶，那伤痕，，因为你脚痊愈了。。

就像你的心一样。我创造了你时，给了你一颗心。是要让你好好的去爱，也去感受爱。没了爱，心就会失去了它原来的功能了。以前的事，过去了。勇敢一点吧。反正，这男孩阿。。很爱你的。别害怕。勇敢的去爱吧。。用心去爱。”

就是因为天父的答案。。我心得到了平安。好吧！！勇敢的去爱吧！！

祷告项目

才读了大概5页就必须停下来了。里头写的都是心里的烦恼，须更改，须改进，修补的。

很喜欢这篇：

"Times will come in life when you realise you've made a mistake. At that moment, you have two choices:you can swallow your pride and "pull a few nails," or you can foolishly continue your course, hoping the problem will go away. Most of the time the problem will only get worse. When you realise you've made a mistake, the best thing you can do is tear down the wall and start over."  

摘于I Kissed dating goodbye by Joshua Harris

其实以前就是没有采取行动， 所以白白的浪费了这么多年的青春，光阴。以前真的很笨。也许应该说是没有勇气吧。没关系，神是好的，一切不好的也都过去了。现在的我，在展望将来，对前途非常的期待。有了神在生命了，我不再害怕了。

好吧。好好的列下我的祷告项目：

1。让自己衷心悔改，了解自己的想法和态度。好好的反省自己的错处。

"The bible uses the word repent to describe turning from what's wrong and pursuing whats right. repentance is a change of direction based on change of heart. "

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death" 1 Corinthians 7:10

"...cultivate genuine, godly sorrow, and ask God to forgive then reverse (my ) sinful course."

2.Refocus my relationship with people around me. 对于身边朋友的态度需细心观察，不想影响朋友对自己的误解。有让朋友对自己会错意吗？什么最重要？纯洁，踏实，互相勉励的友情。

3。向神祷告，让生命里有位导师。Mentor.需要一个导师来给我神圣的劝告，指导和支持。

4。对于朋友和外来因素需要密切留意。

有一阵子，不敢看浪漫的电影或戏，因为怕自己会伤心。（那时刚分手）。现在也不想看，因为有时觉得道德很沦亡。才没认识多久就亲吻，上床。嗨，很要不得。

“Keep an eye on your influences. Who and what you listen to, read, and watch will either encourage or conflict with your commitment to pursue God's best in relationships"

"...she commented 'why doesn't that happen to me? commented on how dissatisfied she felt after watching romantic movies."

"does anything in your life cause that kind of discontentment?

soap operas? bcaz they encourage ungodly longings within you?

songs? because they mock your beliefs about purity?

music? they exalt a false definition of love?

whatever tempts you towards discontentment or compromise, don't put up with it. Tune it out. tune it off. 

..spending less time with certain people or choosing to spend time with them in different settings. Pray for those fiends and love them, but honestly assess their influence on you. And ask God to bring people into your life who will provide support for your standards and beliefs."

摘于I kissed dating goodbye b Joshua Harris

好啦。是时候去和上帝聊聊天了。再会。

今天的纽约很美。感谢神。

Beauty and the beast

I was browsing through the TV channels just now, hoping to find one really boring show, watched it and sleep. flip, flip flip, then, ta da. Beauty and the beast. it was one of my favourite cartoon when i was really young. but then today when i watch it, it is the same cartoon, but it feels altogether different. at least my heart feels different. 

to love someone, you have to look into a person's heart. it is like how belle have fall in love with the beast in the end. she said, "He may look vicious, but he have a kind heart, he is my friend."..can you remember? long long time ago, cartoons that we watched when we were growing up already told us that, do not judge a book by its cover, even that person dressed well and look super charming, but he have an evil heart, he is not your prince charming!! how about this girl, who is so beautiful, do you love her for who she really is? or her outward beauty? her appearance?

"love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end, understanding will reach its limit..." 1 Corinthians 13:9 like Wat the bible says, "if I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but do not love, I am nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate" 1Corinthians 13:1, beauty fades, time will pass and in the end, what is left? your true self, your character, your personality, who you are matters and will withstand the testing of times. 

i haven't have a chance to watch the whole cartoon today, just the last part of it. but it is enough. it speaks volume. i guess, long long time ago, people already know that looks will fade away. good looks might be just a skin that you wear, everyone have this skin, but what matters most, is what is inside. your heart, your character, your personality. 

actually, i do wonder, why in all those Disney cartoons, like the frog and the prince, beauty and the beast, why issit that the main character is the girl. and it is the male character that who is trying to win the girls heart? maybe issit in real life, girls are actually really tempted by good looks? status? stuff? materials? girls are just so visual, they judge according to what they see...honestly, i guess it is true. but all these cartoons are really good, to warn the girls, you know. hey girl, what you are seeing in front of you rite now is not everything, if you wan a prince, you need to kiss the frog, you need to give your heart. ha!! Is God trying to speak to me again?..ha!!

come to think of it, i have a lot of suitors, all are just attracted by my outward appearance. after knowing me for 30mins, then they realise they are in love with me? ha!! all total crap. i really wonder, when will i find someone who will really love me for who i am. what is inside of me. i was thinking to myself, for me, finding true love is hard. now I am thinking, how about those models, those really pretty, gorgeous ladies out there?? hm..i guess, everyone have their own struggle. sometimes, i do really wonder, after so many confessions that i got, even if i met the real thing, will it make my heart skips abit faster? I pray, if one day, my "one" really shows up, i pray that i will know it and feels "rite", and May my God show me hints. (send me a cupid) ha.

You know, When the beast died just now, i cried. hm..after all, love story really touches my heart. Tale as old as time. true as it can be.( this song is so classic, stir rs up the lovey dovey feeling"

Love always protects

If you love someone, you will protect him or her from harm. This is what love is. 

Love is patient (never gives up, no matter how disappointing, how heart breaking it is).

gonna write down a few version from the bible, cause every version of it have a really good meaning of what LOVE is all about. actually, today I'm  feeling really unloved. Ha. maybe, too many guys around me that really wanna get close to me and take advantage of me. I am really wondering, what is love? I thought, my love language is touch. but i guess,because of all the unnecessary touching from those crazy people, sometimes i feel that the best way to love me is actually not touching me.

i really like this when it says Love, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth. (1Cor 13:6 NKJV) Love never gives up. (1 Cor 13:1 MSG), doesn't force itself on others (1 Cor 13:5 MSG), takes pleasure in the flowering of truth. (1 Cor 13:6 MSG) puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks bac, but keeps going to the end. (1 Cor 13:7 MSG).这里应该是写海枯石烂吧。很棒哦。

在听 不同版本的"A pure heart" from Hillsong, 每一次听都有很不同的感动。应该是神吧。心里知道，人心的感动，尤其来自这种音乐，不是因为音乐特别感动，是因为神的爱。因为神让人有这份礼物，写出来之天国的音乐，天国之音。听见的人，会流泪，会感动，会因此心软了下来。音乐啊，就是一份礼物。

谢谢你上帝，虽然今天真的觉得很疲惫。身心疲惫吧。但是，因为你的爱，你没有放弃我。你没有因为我的软弱而舍弃我。知道这真理，就已经很足够了。

x希望再度这篇部落的你，也知道，人是不完美的，就算全世界不再爱你了。神还会爱你，不因为什么，只因为，神的大爱，无人能比。

another awesome sunday nite!!

it was suppose to be just another simple mahjong's nite with a few good fr ens. we were having a good time, 02, zhi seng, shan ming n Jon were playing mahjong's..10cents game. ha!! its just for fun. i guess they played for at least 2hours? then Jon n Denise were bz cooking. after i painted my nails and check out the leaflets tat i brought back from last nite's travel fair, we were talking, laughing. prepared a simple dinner, eating, and followed by the next course. blue n Camemberts cheese with Italian Castiglioni wine... fresh lychee's from hong Kong.We were really enjoying each other's company.

Then whilst we were talking, I was telling how Denise wanted to join the choir ministry and she was so nervous. we were talking about wanting to go for audition for choir in church ministry together with Denise, its like giving her some moral support at the meantime can try it out too for ourselves. ha!!. so, 02 say, she wanted to give it a try too, i thought..OO tat is awesome. who knows, when she is preparing the song, she have to sing and understand the lyrics, who knows she will come to know God. After all, when i first experience God is when i heard the song from the old radio, Lamb of God. Caz God is such an awesome God. u NV know WATS his plans n Wat is he going to do, He got a plan long time ago before when we were born, He have a plan to bring us back to Him.. true enuff. we wanted to just know how to sing those two songs for audition...in the end.....Miracle happens...

We search the songs through You tube, and have a simple sngi along session, to see who can sing better. ha ha!! we were singing out hearts out. at the same time we are just preparing our heart to see if we are ready for this choir ministry. anyway, church's choir is really amazing and dynamic!!!! Anabel is super awesome and pretty!! she's almost perfect. actually she is perfect in my eyes! din know all these praise and worhsip song, we were actually preparing the atmosphere for God to arrive into Denise's house!!!

In the midst of the songs..God's presence was so strong..02's heart was so touched by the holy spirit, in the end, we just wanted to check out our fave songs and have a praise and worship sing along session, become a session to praise n worship God. I'm sure, me, shan ming, denise, john and zhi seng were totally aware God is already in our midst. I said a quiet prayer to God, to touch 02's heart. n after tat, a minute later , 02 came to sit next to me..she told me she need a hug from me. at that point of time, i know!! God touches her heart. here eyes were wet!! God's presence was so tangible!!!! i was speaking in tongues quietly.ha!! n praising God!!! Hallelujah!..02 was so quiet..she was so touched. i can tell tat God is doing something in her life!! OMG!! it was such an awesome time. a simple dinner turned out to be!!! a praise n worship session. in the end...we ended the whole meeting with a prayer...i felt so much to pray for us...with the last song. this is my devotion, to give my life to you oh Lord!! it was such a powerful song. God will definitely bring us to a higher place..and i cant wait!! and i am so sure, 02 will meet god one day n come to receive Christ.. i am so sure!!

 praise God!! Hallelujah! I thank God for such an awesome night out!! It was awesome!!

给天父的留言。

很优美的音乐。人间天堂，听着这首歌，(Kari Jobe 唱的歌，I'm in love with you)让我想起天堂的美，平静，欢乐。。希望你也会喜欢，因为我真的很喜欢。

听见吗？他说，”别怕，因为我爱你。有我在，没事的。”

刚在面皮书上留言。

听着听着，好像听到了。谢谢你，天父。
寂寞的心灵，没有你的爱，会很难熬过去。
是的，在世上，还有谁比你更真实，更爱我。
有时会觉得生命很孤单，很寂寞。
是魔鬼吧，一直在我耳边不停的说。。。
一直在我脑海说。。你一个人，谁会想起你，谁会爱你？

谢谢你天父。当我快要被说服时，你总是用尽办法，把我拉回来。
今天，我走进书局是，看见书架上的那两本书。
Soul Surfer. 一本是Devotional book, 另一本是自传.

感动的是，在她身上，看见了你。
那女孩说，虽然不幸发生在她身上，但她从来没有埋怨过。
因为，这是，让她勇敢了起来。生命也不一样了。
她说，人的生命啊，若交到神的手中，就变得很不一样了。
神借着她，显示神对你我的爱。
给了我们希望。就算失去一切，有了爱，有了希望，生命可以活得很精彩。
看了那本书，觉得自己面对的，是芝麻绿豆的事。
在平凡的每一天，就算感觉不到他，看不见，听不到，又如何？
心里确实，他一直在我身边，爱着我，鼓励着我。
我听见了。也知道。
你没有放开过我的手。

singing to my faithful God

Complete lyrics: http://www.directlyrics.com/kari-jobe-you-are-for-me-lyrics.htmlComplete lyrics: http://www.directlyrics.com/kari-jobe-you-are-for-me-lyrics.h

You are for me

By Kari Jobe

So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all You do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come down
Even if to ride upon my heart
To remind me who You are

So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all You do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
And You love for me to sing to You

And Lord, I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come down
Even if to ride upon my heart
To remind me

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come down
Even if to ride upon my heart
To remind me who You are

You remind me

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come down
Even if to ride upon my heart
To remind me who You are

ps: every time when i listen to this song, i remember how good god is. I know Lord, that you are here for me. even sometimes when i do not feel you or here you. But i remember, your goodness. I look out the sky, i see the stars, that you have given Abraham. when i walk on the street and a gentle breeze came, i know you are there for me. this song touches my heart, reminding me, God's faithfulness, constant love that never leaves me. 

I know that you are for me

just now i was listening to Kari Jobe's song, You are for me. 

you know somehow i feel how great God is. tat time when i was really and depressed, 

i read all the right scriptures, how he is my savior, my refuge in psalm. how he have a plan for me in Jeremiah, and listen to all the right songs.

i clearly remember tat day when i was in the bus, i haven't been sleeping many days already, 

and this song from Don Moen cam from my ipod,

Jesus, my strength n my only provider, 

you lay me down on green pastures, 

you lay me beside the still waters. 

it is then, my heart and mind is so refreshed. found peace. it was then i manage to properly sleep again.

now i wish so much, that God will speak to me again, the way He spoke to me many months back. 

i pray i pray, God..Ru listening to me? you know, God..yes, i might not feel you, i might be feeling really dry rite now, but i choose to believe. Believing how much that you have love me. 

Caz, you have written my name, Abby, in ure palms. Isiah. 

thank you father, for loving me.

震动的心旋

“是梦听见了歌，还是歌看到了梦？

 梦给我们勇气，打开紧闭的心门。”

 ~现在副刊。2011年7月9日

“曾经做过这样的梦，梦中静卧花草叶虫，

 穿过林野爬过山坡，草原辽阔任我奔冲。”

~《野人的梦》

曾几何时，我也想过在现实生活里，无忧无虑的狂奔。

在奔跑的途中享受新事物，新视线。新加坡，那么一个小的国土。

狂奔？有一望无际的草原吗？看见草原的末端就是石森林。

突然，有个冲动。

很想到一个地方，有花有草，

瀑布，草原。。。只想狂奔。。

好想闻到花香草香，感觉到烈阳的炙热，暖风轻轻吹过。

梦给我们方向。。我的梦呢？我在寻。我是寻梦者。

giving God my best

Just now after I finish gym (2hours workout, not bad!), switch on the tv while I'm resting. Pastor Credo Dollar was preaching. something he said caught my attention. He say" if you want God's power in your life, it is not free, it comes with a price. ru willing to pay the price?"

I have been trying to finish this book, "I kissed dating goodbye" by Joshua Harris. I read about this just now. 

"Many of us walk through life plagued by the question 'Has God given me His best?' But the question that we must answer first is ' am I giving God my best?'

You and I will never experience God's best- in singleness or in marriage-until we give God our all. We've help onto old attitudes, foolishly clutching a lifestyle that the world tells us will bring fulfillment. God asks us to hand it all over to Him"

many times in life, I struggle to give God my all. it is not becaz I do not want to give him my all, it is because I have always been thinking abt the worldly pleasures. going to club on weekdays when Im in Singapore, enjoying my every moment with my friends. is it really time to seek first his kingdom and righteousness? but then, when I go out with my friends, my first intention is really to build up some bonds, some meaningful relationships. I am making changes in my life right now, to live a better life. A life that have planned by Him.

This week its like going through the desert, I haven't heard from Him (at all?). ha..issit bcaz I have filled my time wth alot of activities? (like real. I dun even have plans in LAX. I was reading books, going grocery shopping, chatting. I dun even have time to watch TV.) or issit tat im too blind to see Him? (spiritual eye gone blind?) or issit tat my sins have hinder Him getting to me? (sinful nature)

my prayer before I sleep
Dear father in heaven, look down rite now into my heart. can you see me? I submit myself into your loving hands. Father, I have been longing for you, I want to meet you again. Help me to face my everyday challenges and difficulties, give me the strength to conquer my own demon, my weaknesses. Father, you are my strength and my refuge, you are the Savior of my soul, I pray Lord, that you refresh my mind, soul and body. I want to drink from you again Lord, I want to experience you in my life again. Bring me out from this dry desert, I dun wan to walk on it anymore. Help me Lord. Anoint me with Your fresh oil dear God. Give me a good nite rest tonite. thank you father, thank Jesus for a beautiful day. In the name of Jesus, amen. Thank you Jesus.

关于Bersih

刚刚在网上看了一则短片。是关于那天的和平聚会，bersih, 09.07.2011.那么平凡的一天，马来西亚那天却是那麽的不平凡。一直看，眼泪一直流，心里是那麽的痛。我的国家，曾经那么熟悉的家园，那么热闹的街道，现在变得面目全非了。这欢乐的地方，现在是痛苦回忆的开始。暴乱历历在目。心痛不是因为有所改变，心痛是因为真相被扭曲成谎言。

为什么有这么多的影片，有这么多的口供证实，这么多的证人，可以让一个猪，以政治权力来推翻一切事实真相？难道我们看到的，全世界在报道的是假的吗？究竟谁在撒谎？为什么不可以勇敢一点承认错误？如果真的没有本事可以把国家搞好，就让位吧。别霸着王位，要把国家弄垮才干愿。。

从影片开始，勇敢的人民聚在一起，反映着人民的心态和意见。这样就被喷水和被攻击，用催泪弹和化学成分的水来对付手无寸铁的人民。警察滥用职权，不断地对民众大声呼喊，粗鲁对待。人民平静得坐在马路上表示不满，换来的是警察用脚来乱踢。我们同样是马来西亚人，为什么会这样？警察不是要来保护我们的吗？为什么那天，全都变成了政治流氓？他们知道自己在做什么吗？他们没想到他们在对付的，是自己人吗？

电视的报道一直说啊，没有没有没有。。你看youtube的短片，水和催泪弹是朝着华人接生医院的方向发射的，什么45度以外？催泪气体被风吹进医院？。。是哑子吃黄莲，有口说不出。为什么就是没有人肯说出真相？做错了还一直强词夺理。

看见人民被捕，为了自由，为了国家利益被捕。这是什么道理？简直是歪理！bersih领导人被捕，被带走，为什么？他犯的是什么错？画面，有一个年长马来同胞被上手口，他一直念伊始兰教经文，它叫神帮帮我们的国家。。身边的人都哭了，因为着国家已经变成一个没栏杆的监狱了。没有言论自由，没有发表权利。真相变谎言，领袖变暴君。。一切都变了。看见猪笼车上的男生一脸无奈，我很佩服你们每一个为这国家出的一分力。你们每一个，肯站出来的都是我们的民间英雄。

我们的一票，真得可以改变马来西亚的命运吗？。。真的吗？那天，天也在哭泣。因为，神也不认得这曾充满希望和无限将来的马来西亚了。

a typical night in LAX

got up ard 730pm local time. it was still really bright. still feeling bit sleepy n tired. couldn't believe tat i din sleep much, guess ard sin time 1030am my body clock will just wake up, doesn't matter how early or how late i sleep. last nite i slept, i mean this morning i slept ard 630am (Singapore time). so, just got roughly 5hours of sleep.

had a cup of latte, the sachet tat i bought in from Taipei hotel. they have very nice latte. i think people change, and even my taste bud do change. last time i used to like coffee with lots of milk, which is the latte, but then nowadays, coffee with a dash of milk and no sugar, is enough to make me happy. i try not to take things that are too sweet. sugar will make u age faster, ha..i wonder if tats true. but sugar rush makes people happy. 

met Kah Poh when i was heading out of the hotel, hitch a one mile ride from him to Sport Chalet. we talked awhile. tot i saw him happier. He told me tat his girlfriend is sleeping, so maybe can catch up. I went to Sports chalet trying to get a new pair of running shoes, too bad no sales...so maybe nxt time when there are sales.. ha! didn manage to buy a single thing from Sports chalet. then i went to albertson nearby, buy a few toiletries, daily necessities. thought of ma n pa, bought them some anti aging face cream. stuff over here is really cheap, can u imagine, those olay wth anti aging function face wash jus selling like ard USD10? which u can never get this kind of price anywhere around the world. 

listening to Jayesslee's music now. "Price tag" and "what faith can do"is my favourite song for now. i think i kinda like them bcaz of their love for God. I have been feeling abit aimless lately, guess just need to pray more? or fellowship? or sermons?..what if all of this doesnt work? i love God, pray that will feel him more. God, where ru? Ru here in the room with me?..hold my hand, will u?..

i would love to forget the price tag. and just be who I am..la balalaika...forget about the price tag, i just wan to make the world dance...im paying with love tonight..

What Faith Can Do?

hoping to remember their lyrics. it's a beautiful song.
it stirs up my faith when i first heard it when Jayesslee perform it in City Harvest Church.  


What Faith Can Do
Songwriters: Davis, Scott; Krippayne, Scott;

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes
And make a new beginning

Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you're stronger
Stronger than you know

Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water

It'll be alright

Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do

Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

Price tag

[Jessie J]
Okay, Coconut man, Moon Heads and me
You ready

Seems like everybody's got a price,
I wonder how they sleep at night.
When the sale comes first,
And the truth comes second,
Just stop for a minute and
Smile

Why is everybody so serious?
Acting so damn mysterious?
Got your shades on your eyes
And your heels so high
That you can't even have a good time

[Pre-chorus:]
Everybody look to their left (yeah)
Everybody look to their right (uh)
Can you feel that (yeah)
We're paying with love tonight

[Chorus:]
It's not about the money, money, money
We don't need your money, money, money
We just wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the price tag
Ain't about the (uh) Chi-Ching Chi-Ching
Ain't about the (yeah) Ba-Bling Ba-Bling
Wanna make the world dance,
Forget about the price tag.

[Jessie J]
We need to take it back in time,
When music made us all unite!
And it wasn't low blows and video hoes,
Am I the only one getting tired?

Why is everybody so obsessed?
Money can't buy us happiness
Can we all slow down and enjoy right now
Guarantee we'll be feeling alright
[B.o.B]
Yeah yeah
Well, keep the price tag
And take the cash back
Just give me six strings and a half stack
And you can, can keep the cars
Leave me the garage
And all I, yes all I need
Are keys and guitars
And guess what, in 30 seconds
I'm leaving to Mars
Yeah we leaving across
These undefeatable odds
It's like this man
You can't put a price on a life
We do this for the love
So we fight and sacrifice
Every night
So we ain't gonna stumble and fall
Never
Waiting to see a sign of defeat
Uh uh
So we gonna keep everyone
Moving their feet
So bring back the beat
And then everyone sing

It's not about the money

[Chorus 2x]

[Jessie J ‒ Outro]
Yeah yeah
Oh-oh
Forget about the price tag

Jayesslee in City Harvest

I have just finished watching their you tube performance in CHC two days back. they are just simply amazing. these two beautiful young girls, having an amazing voice, gifted from heaven and loving God wholeheartedly.

I am so happy to see them in city harvest church, not only to showcase their talent, but also to share their faith. the love of God in their lives and also their selection of songs are really cool too. the first one which is more light hear ted, price tag. this is the first time I'm paying attention to the song price tag, guess every time when i saw the MTV, i was so turned off, maybe i din really like the MTV and the way the gal Jessie (her dressing is like crappy) appeared on MTV. Never realize how cool are the lyrics. especially when they sang "we'll pay them with love tonight"..ha!

yup, no doubt, their testimony is so moving. it is about how their ma have diagnose with cancer when they were just 7years old and through the whole treatment. the whole process of getting healed was frustrating, but their ma have chose to love God and praise Him even at her last breathe. they were so bitter towards God, Caz when everyone says how good God is, they just cant seems to relate it. but they saw how their ma love God, never fail to praise and worship Him, even when she suffers in so much pain. in January 11, 2002, their ma was telling Jayesslee that God have love them so much. and to Rejoice even at the darkest moment. towards the last moment of her life, she still choose to sing praise and to worship Him when she felt so weak. my heart have been so stirred when they shared this testimony, caz their ma have found peace and God, in her darkest and weakest moment. they sang the song their ma last sang, a Korean worship song titled Hallelujah.

after that they sang their own favorite song, a song that always manage to stir up their faith. surely, my faith level gone up abit, whilst I'm listening Jayesslee favorite song,stirring, stirring stirring... loving every bit of tat song, gonna tag the lyrics here.

ben jus posted this

If u spent too long holding onto e one who treats u like an "option", you'll miss e one who treats u like a "priority". Smile!

God hav put me on His priority list. I am not too worried abt how ppl treat me as an option, I jus need ppl to feel tat i am treating them like my priority. love your neighbor as u love ureself. you are who u are, not wat others tell u who u are. u are my VIP anyway..remember i old u tat, if u ask me out, u will hav my time.

Maybe, i need to rethink who is really important in my life. 

San Fran 的奇遇. To Han.

今天，遇见darren 同阿han一起吃饭。同同乡的人一起吃饭，感觉真得很不同。很开心，好像见都耧有一半。用广东话写部落很辛苦。

we had such a great time together. sharing about our lives, our frustration at work, loves about life, hate at work. Somehow, i can really sense the frustration of Han. Though i do not know him well, but i know, if he can see through and breakthrough this mindset, being frustrated about why others are not working as hard as him and why others can take credit of what they didn't do. Life is such, it is never fair. In fat, this is just the way of life. Life is never fair, it all depends on how you look at it and get the best out of life. Either you can get the best out of life or life will just eat you up and get to you. Spit you out like life eating up others who is weak. Only those who are strong can survive and rise up. isn't it true? 

I am so glad, that I am meeting them up. i felt, every time after I'm able to give a piece of hope to others, i have done my job. i am not trying to be positive or Wat, i am just telling Han the fact of life. that he is indeed a winner, it is just a season. it might be a season of planting, not a season of reaping yet, but i pray that he will not give in, he will not be discouraged about things in life. Caz in the end, even no one on earth sees Wat u have done well, at least you can tell yourself, hey, you have fight a good fight, you know you have tried your best, living the best tat u can, being the best tat u can. 

Han,m if you have a chance to stumble on my blog, know Wat? I really can See tat one fine day, you will become this person, who is a successful programmer, Caz you have this talent, this gift, from God, tat no one else have it, but you. do not eager to show Wat others Wat u have, be patience, you will one day find your platform to perform, be patience, God can see what you are going through, you just need to hang on a little bit more. i dedicate this blog to you. Han. 

press on will you?!! 你是最好的。就算全世界忘了你，也要不断的为自己打气。加油！

I am the treasure

When Benjamin ask me about how I feel about looking for a relationship at my age. He have threw me a few questions. 

Asking me if I will approach a guy if i really like him.

For all these years, I have approached man. those that I like, but I seriously think that I deserve to be pursued, not the other way round, pls, you know what? God have indeed show me this verse. A man finds a good wife, seeks treasure. so, I pray, He will find me. I am his treasure, He will be able to find me. At the mean time, I will just be the best that i could ever be. And He will know it is me when he sees me. *smile. 

How am i going to maintain my relationship with him since i travel so often. 

I told Ben, I do not know what is the future like. But i am sure that when God provide, He will make a way for me. I might even stop flying. I might be having my own business already. I do not know how this is going to work, but I know, if both of us love God and love one another, nothing is too difficult. 

What is the criteria of this man who is going to be with me. 

Ben have always tell me about Xin Ling. Saying that she is a gal, who love God, love people and love herself. I guess this should be the most basic criteria that i will be looking for in a man. He must love God, love people and loving himself!! that is simple!! ha!! He have to be an outdoor person, to run with me. to explore the world with me. He will be the man of God, not afraid to follow Christ even not knowing the future. Caz God is our future. He will give you the future you have hoped for. Yup!! Amen!!

Am i looking around. What am I looking for in this man. 

I am so busy nowadays, loving people and loving God. ha ha!! I do not have time to look around. and since i am believing that he will be looking for me, if i start looking around means that my faith for God is half hear ted. If i am so convinced that God have prepared this man for me, and God have told me before that, Abby, there will be a right time to love. there is a season for everything, then why should I use my own understanding and start looking?..ha!! Have faith, wont u?

thank you Ben, I have gain so much insight and faith every time i go out with you. every testimony you share, have impacted my world. and every time i think of you, i thought, you have been such a warrior in life and you have done such a great job, pressing on and keeping your eyes onto Jesus. I wish, i have more faith like you. I wish, i will be more obedient. yup!! I will JIA YOU!!! GanBateH!!!!

Benjamin

Yesterday was absolutely action packed. I was serving all alone in the visitor's lounge!! But God is good!! I invite Thomas( my new york pax) to attend service. I had a fruitful time with Benjamin.

Coming to know more about Ben. He always manage to amaze me. Every single time i meet him, it seems like, testimony upon testimony. What God have done to him, How God have sent angels to help him thru his growing years, its just absolutely amazing. And his passion for his life and passion for Christ, it just totally attracts me!

He have been so faithful to God all these years, God have move in so many wonerful ways in his life, he is simply a living testimony!!

Yesterday we watched "Just Borrowed" about friendship and love. I was avoiding this kind of lovey dovey show for like, nine months. and last nite, becaz of Ben we went to watch the show!! OMG!! i feel so much. it is like falling in love again. I havent feel my heart so much. I mean, looking at how Rachael n Dex look at one another, the way they love one another, makes me smile, it warms my heart, to see ppl loving one  another. hm...He is on the way, I am sure. caz God have promised me. I will not be waiting too long, i know. yup!! caz He is a faithful God and He never lies!!!

Amen!! Ben is such a great fren! I am so happy tat God have placed him in my life!! Every time we meet, he never fail to push me further, makes me wan to sink deeper with Jesus!! WOOOooHOOo. Loving every bit of this awesome life!!

following God

Sometimes i wish i am stronger, in faith. why am i so weak when it comes to temptations and trials?. sometimes i am weak, but sometimes i am able to go thru the test. I wish I wish, i can be stronger. reading Psalm 119, it is like a poem, written from my heart to God. I am sure, many people out there, love God, and hate their own weaknesses, just like me. 

God, strengthen me, will you?..i want to follow you, and obey you. all the days of my life.

Psalm 119

You're blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God.
   You're blessed when you follow his directions,
      doing your best to find him.
   That's right—you don't go off on your own;
      you walk straight along the road he set.
   You, God, prescribed the right way to live;
      now you expect us to live it.
   Oh, that my steps might be steady,
      keeping to the course you set;
   Then I'd never have any regrets
      in comparing my life with your counsel.
   I thank you for speaking straight from your heart;
      I learn the pattern of your righteous ways.
   I'm going to do what you tell me to do;
      don't ever walk off and leave me.

 ^9-16 How can a young person live a clean life?
      By carefully reading the map of your Word.
   I'm single-minded in pursuit of you;
      don't let me miss the road signs you've posted.
   I've banked your promises in the vault of my heart
      so I won't sin myself bankrupt.
   Be blessed, God;
      train me in your ways of wise living.
   I'll transfer to my lips
      all the counsel that comes from your mouth;
   I delight far more in what you tell me about living
      than in gathering a pile of riches.
   I ponder every morsel of wisdom from you,
      I attentively watch how you've done it.
   I relish everything you've told me of life,
      I won't forget a word of it.

 ^17-24 Be generous with me and I'll live a full life;
      not for a minute will I take my eyes off your road.
   Open my eyes so I can see
      what you show me of your miracle-wonders.
   I'm a stranger in these parts;
      give me clear directions.
   My soul is starved and hungry, ravenous!—
      insatiable for your nourishing commands.
   And those who think they know so much,
      ignoring everything you tell them—let them have it!
   Don't let them mock and humiliate me;
      I've been careful to do just what you said.
   While bad neighbors maliciously gossip about me,
      I'm absorbed in pondering your wise counsel.
   Yes, your sayings on life are what give me delight;
      I listen to them as to good neighbors!

 ^25-32 I'm feeling terrible—I couldn't feel worse!
      Get me on my feet again. You promised, remember?
   When I told my story, you responded;
      train me well in your deep wisdom.
   Help me understand these things inside and out
      so I can ponder your miracle-wonders.
   My sad life's dilapidated, a falling-down barn;
      build me up again by your Word.
   Barricade the road that goes Nowhere;
      grace me with your clear revelation.
   I choose the true road to Somewhere,
      I post your road signs at every curve and corner.
   I grasp and cling to whatever you tell me;
      God, don't let me down!
   I'll run the course you lay out for me
      if you'll just show me how.

 ^33-40 God, teach me lessons for living
      so I can stay the course.
   Give me insight so I can do what you tell me—
      my whole life one long, obedient response.
   Guide me down the road of your commandments;
      I love traveling this freeway!
   Give me a bent for your words of wisdom,
      and not for piling up loot.
   Divert my eyes from toys and trinkets,
      invigorate me on the pilgrim way.
   Affirm your promises to me—
      promises made to all who fear you.
   Deflect the harsh words of my critics—
      but what you say is always so good.
   See how hungry I am for your counsel;
      preserve my life through your righteous ways!

 ^41-48 Let your love, God, shape my life
      with salvation, exactly as you promised;
   Then I'll be able to stand up to mockery
      because I trusted your Word.
   Don't ever deprive me of truth, not ever—
      your commandments are what I depend on.
   Oh, I'll guard with my life what you've revealed to me,
      guard it now, guard it ever;
   And I'll stride freely through wide open spaces
      as I look for your truth and your wisdom;
   Then I'll tell the world what I find,
      speak out boldly in public, unembarrassed.
   I cherish your commandments—oh, how I love them!—
      relishing every fragment of your counsel.

 ^49-56 Remember what you said to me, your servant—
      I hang on to these words for dear life!
   These words hold me up in bad times;
      yes, your promises rejuvenate me.
   The insolent ridicule me without mercy,
      but I don't budge from your revelation.
   I watch for your ancient landmark words,
      and know I'm on the right track.
   But when I see the wicked ignore your directions,
      I'm beside myself with anger.
   I set your instructions to music
      and sing them as I walk this pilgrim way.
   I meditate on your name all night, God,
      treasuring your revelation, O God.
   Still, I walk through a rain of derision
      because I live by your Word and counsel.

 ^57-64 Because you have satisfied me, God, I promise
      to do everything you say.
   I beg you from the bottom of my heart: smile,
      be gracious to me just as you promised.
   When I took a long, careful look at your ways,
      I got my feet back on the trail you blazed.
   I was up at once, didn't drag my feet,
      was quick to follow your orders.
   The wicked hemmed me in—there was no way out—
      but not for a minute did I forget your plan for me.
   I get up in the middle of the night to thank you;
      your decisions are so right, so true—I can't wait till morning!
   I'm a friend and companion of all who fear you,
      of those committed to living by your rules.
   Your love, God, fills the earth!
      Train me to live by your counsel.

 ^65-72 Be good to your servant, God;
      be as good as your Word.
   Train me in good common sense;
      I'm thoroughly committed to living your way.
   Before I learned to answer you, I wandered all over the place,
      but now I'm in step with your Word.
   You are good, and the source of good;
      train me in your goodness.
   The godless spread lies about me,
      but I focus my attention on what you are saying;
   They're bland as a bucket of lard,
      while I dance to the tune of your revelation.
   My troubles turned out all for the best—
      they forced me to learn from your textbook.
   Truth from your mouth means more to me
      than striking it rich in a gold mine.

 ^73-80 With your very own hands you formed me;
      now breathe your wisdom over me so I can understand you.
   When they see me waiting, expecting your Word,
      those who fear you will take heart and be glad.
   I can see now, God, that your decisions are right;
      your testing has taught me what's true and right.
   Oh, love me—and right now!—hold me tight!
      just the way you promised.
   Now comfort me so I can live, really live;
      your revelation is the tune I dance to.
   Let the fast-talking tricksters be exposed as frauds;
      they tried to sell me a bill of goods,
      but I kept my mind fixed on your counsel.
   Let those who fear you turn to me
      for evidence of your wise guidance.
   And let me live whole and holy, soul and body,
      so I can always walk with my head held high.

 ^81-88 I'm homesick—longing for your salvation;
      I'm waiting for your word of hope.
   My eyes grow heavy watching for some sign of your promise;
      how long must I wait for your comfort?
   There's smoke in my eyes—they burn and water,
      but I keep a steady gaze on the instructions you post.
   How long do I have to put up with all this?
      How long till you haul my tormentors into court?
   The arrogant godless try to throw me off track,
      ignorant as they are of God and his ways.
   Everything you command is a sure thing,
      but they harass me with lies. Help!
   They've pushed and pushed—they never let up—
      but I haven't relaxed my grip on your counsel.
   In your great love revive me
      so I can alertly obey your every word.

 ^89-96 What you say goes, God,
      and stays, as permanent as the heavens.
   Your truth never goes out of fashion;
      it's as up-to-date as the earth when the sun comes up.
   Your Word and truth are dependable as ever;
      that's what you ordered—you set the earth going.
   If your revelation hadn't delighted me so,
      I would have given up when the hard times came.
   But I'll never forget the advice you gave me;
      you saved my life with those wise words.
   Save me! I'm all yours.
      I look high and low for your words of wisdom.
   The wicked lie in ambush to destroy me,
      but I'm only concerned with your plans for me.
   I see the limits to everything human,
      but the horizons can't contain your commands!

 ^97-104 Oh, how I love all you've revealed;
      I reverently ponder it all the day long.
   Your commands give me an edge on my enemies;
      they never become obsolete.
   I've even become smarter than my teachers
      since I've pondered and absorbed your counsel.
   I've become wiser than the wise old sages
      simply by doing what you tell me.
   I watch my step, avoiding the ditches and ruts of evil
      so I can spend all my time keeping your Word.
   I never make detours from the route you laid out;
      you gave me such good directions.
   Your words are so choice, so tasty;
      I prefer them to the best home cooking.
   With your instruction, I understand life;
      that's why I hate false propaganda.

 ^105-112 By your words I can see where I'm going;
      they throw a beam of light on my dark path.
   I've committed myself and I'll never turn back
      from living by your righteous order.
   Everything's falling apart on me, God;
      put me together again with your Word.
   Festoon me with your finest sayings, God;
      teach me your holy rules.
   My life is as close as my own hands,
      but I don't forget what you have revealed.
   The wicked do their best to throw me off track,
      but I don't swerve an inch from your course.
   I inherited your book on living; it's mine forever—
      what a gift! And how happy it makes me!
   I concentrate on doing exactly what you say—
      I always have and always will.

 ^113-120 I hate the two-faced,
      but I love your clear-cut revelation.
   You're my place of quiet retreat;
      I wait for your Word to renew me.
   Get out of my life, evildoers,
      so I can keep my God's commands.
   Take my side as you promised; I'll live then for sure.
      Don't disappoint all my grand hopes.
   Stick with me and I'll be all right;
      I'll give total allegiance to your definitions of life.
   Expose all who drift away from your sayings;
      their casual idolatry is lethal.
   You reject earth's wicked as so much rubbish;
      therefore I lovingly embrace everything you say.
   I shiver in awe before you;
      your decisions leave me speechless with reverence.

 ^121-128 I stood up for justice and the right;
      don't leave me to the mercy of my oppressors.
   Take the side of your servant, good God;
      don't let the godless take advantage of me.
   I can't keep my eyes open any longer, waiting for you
      to keep your promise to set everything right.
   Let your love dictate how you deal with me;
      teach me from your textbook on life.
   I'm your servant—help me understand what that means,
      the inner meaning of your instructions.
   It's time to act, God;
      they've made a shambles of your revelation!
   Yea-Saying God, I love what you command,
      I love it better than gold and gemstones;
   Yea-Saying God, I honor everything you tell me,
      I despise every deceitful detour.

 ^129-136 Every word you give me is a miracle word—
      how could I help but obey?
   Break open your words, let the light shine out,
      let ordinary people see the meaning.
   Mouth open and panting,
      I wanted your commands more than anything.
   Turn my way, look kindly on me,
      as you always do to those who personally love you.
   Steady my steps with your Word of promise
      so nothing malign gets the better of me.
   Rescue me from the grip of bad men and women
      so I can live life your way.
   Smile on me, your servant;
      teach me the right way to live.
   I cry rivers of tears
      because nobody's living by your book!

 ^137-144 You are right and you do right, God;
      your decisions are right on target.
   You rightly instruct us in how to live
      ever faithful to you.
   My rivals nearly did me in,
      they persistently ignored your commandments.
   Your promise has been tested through and through,
      and I, your servant, love it dearly.
   I'm too young to be important,
      but I don't forget what you tell me.
   Your righteousness is eternally right,
      your revelation is the only truth.
   Even though troubles came down on me hard,
      your commands always gave me delight.
   The way you tell me to live is always right;
      help me understand it so I can live to the fullest.

 ^145-152 I call out at the top of my lungs,
      "God! Answer! I'll do whatever you say."
   I called to you, "Save me
      so I can carry out all your instructions."
   I was up before sunrise,
      crying for help, hoping for a word from you.
   I stayed awake all night,
      prayerfully pondering your promise.
   In your love, listen to me;
      in your justice, God, keep me alive.
   As those out to get me come closer and closer,
      they go farther and farther from the truth you reveal;
   But you're the closest of all to me, God,
      and all your judgments true.
   I've known all along from the evidence of your words
      that you meant them to last forever.

 ^153-160 Take a good look at my trouble, and help me—
      I haven't forgotten your revelation.
   Take my side and get me out of this;
      give me back my life, just as you promised.
   "Salvation" is only gibberish to the wicked
      because they've never looked it up in your dictionary.
   Your mercies, God, run into the billions;
      following your guidelines, revive me.
   My antagonists are too many to count,
      but I don't swerve from the directions you gave.
   I took one look at the quitters and was filled with loathing;
      they walked away from your promises so casually!
   Take note of how I love what you tell me;
      out of your life of love, prolong my life.
   Your words all add up to the sum total: Truth.
      Your righteous decisions are eternal.

 ^161-168 I've been slandered unmercifully by the politicians,
      but my awe at your words keeps me stable.
   I'm ecstatic over what you say,
      like one who strikes it rich.
   I hate lies—can't stand them!—
      but I love what you have revealed.
   Seven times each day I stop and shout praises
      for the way you keep everything running right.
   For those who love what you reveal, everything fits—
      no stumbling around in the dark for them.
   I wait expectantly for your salvation;
      God, I do what you tell me.
   My soul guards and keeps all your instructions—
      oh, how much I love them!
   I follow your directions, abide by your counsel;
      my life's an open book before you.

 ^169-176 Let my cry come right into your presence, God;
      provide me with the insight that comes only from your Word.
   Give my request your personal attention,
      rescue me on the terms of your promise.
   Let praise cascade off my lips;
      after all, you've taught me the truth about life!
   And let your promises ring from my tongue;
      every order you've given is right.
   Put your hand out and steady me
      since I've chosen to live by your counsel.
   I'm homesick, God, for your salvation;
      I love it when you show yourself!
   Invigorate my soul so I can praise you well,
      use your decrees to put iron in my soul.
   And should I wander off like a lost sheep—seek me!
      I'll recognize the sound of your voice.