亲眼看到的事

He is your praise; He is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes. ~Deuteronomy 10:21

亲眼看到的，亲身体会的，很多很多。我会慢慢的，一个一个记起。一个一个慢慢地记录起来。不是为了你，却也是为了我自己。我不想有一天，我会忘了神对我的好，神对我的恩典。

刚才用电脑，看见自己的bookmark, Emi Yumiko. 让我想起了我曾经得起弱点。以前我都是用Emi Yumiko这个别名。很多人都问我，为什么用这个名。不是因为这名字好听，也不是因为它的意思很美很动人。。你一定猜也猜不到，两年前的我，是多么憎恨自己。我根本不想存在。只想人间消失。 不想让人知道有我这个人。我讨厌自己的程度，到了不想提起自己的名字，不想记得有我这个人存在。所以，在面皮书Facebook, 我用了别名。Emi Yumiko, 另一个自己。

若不是因为神的恩典，神对我的爱。可能我真的已经不存在了。以前我一直会有自杀的念头，白天和黑夜一只会想。。你有试过很讨厌自己，很痛恨自己，觉得自己很脏，很讨人嫌，很想立刻消失的那种感觉吗？现在回想起，我还很清楚地记起那感觉。迟些我会再写关于那天要自杀时，神怎么救了我。

靠着神的爱和恩典，我回到了神的身边。在城市丰收教会里，有康牧师的讲道，爱和圣经的教诲。我开始重新接受自己。其实神一切都已经按排好了，this rescue plan. 回到了教会，不停的回去。在教会，没其他的，神的存在，His presence brings me the peace that I could ever wanted all my life. 那份平安，那份爱。是多么的真实。。

阿爸父，谢谢你救赎了我。

2010年，那天是教会的candlelight service. 耶稣说，我要把你的生命点亮。我会燃烧我自己，让你发亮。看见眼前的蜡烛，我感谢神给我的新生命。那天的我，哭到像花脸猫一样。感动，流泪因为神的爱，神的包容。

Do not take revenge

Love must be sincere. 

Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. 

Honor one another above yourselves. 

 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 

Share with God's people who are in need. 

Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

  Live in harmony with one another. 

Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. 

Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. 

Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

 Do not take revenge, my friends, 

but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written:

 "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. 

 On the contrary:

 "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

  In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."

 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. 

(Romans 12:9-21) 

 2011年的冬至。福亲手做了温馨汤圆。

我选择爱

天父知道我心里很生气，他说：

 

沁阿，怎么这么生气啦？就是愤怒和憎恨吗？你忘了吗？我给你的心，不是用来恨的，用心去爱吧。选择爱好吗？

Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. Deuteronomy 8:2

这件事也是为了要让你自己也知道，你的心里有什么，你是否能遵从，守护我给你的指使。

别让自己的心像其他人一样，（充满怨恨，bitterness, resentment) 你是我的女儿，你是神的女儿。Have peace, have love, have hope. Trust in me, will you? 让心从满爱吧。就在这样的状况下，也学会爱人，就像牧师教导你们一样。我们都选爱。

2011 Love-titude camp. We choose LOVE!! You can love when everything goes right, can you still love when things go wrong? can you still love when things doesn't go your way? what is your choice? CHOOSE LOVE. 选择爱。

我的教会，我的家。

每次想起牧师他们的事情，心里都很难过。说真的，教会就像是一个家。牧师们就像家里的爸爸一样，无论大事小事无聊事都一直在我们每个人的身边爱着我们，教导我们。这么多年对教会的爱和奉献，这么多年对社会的爱，难道除了我们，大家都没看见吗？

真的很难过。为什么每个人都不肯在审判别人之前先看看自己是否有资格审判别人。人常常忙着指出别人的弱点，忘了自己缺点。

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? Matthew 7:3

这就是人的弱点。

有一点透不过气了，唯有好好地把希望放在神身上。神阿，这就是人。。

一切都已经被安排好了

读到了第36天了，用了这么久的时间，应该4个多月了吧。去读这40天的devotion. :)

好啦。应该用心去相信，

All things work for good, to those who love the Lord. 

还有God made all things beautiful in His time. :)

应该相信，一切都已经被安排好了。：）就算是我的惰性：p 也是被安排好的。

心里有一份感动，conviction. 不想忘记 心里的那一份感动。为了这，心里哦像是有一团熊熊烈火在燃烧。我不想让这火熄灭掉。其实follow Jesus 根本是Nothing to lose 的。but everything to gain. 

主啊！让我全心全意，一生一世跟随你。

野生的玫瑰竟然这么美丽。你知道吗？耶稣把花朵创造得那么美丽动人，更何况是你。

告诉我，生命的意义。

今天应该是08/06/2012吧！：）

时间啊，过得真得很快。

没想到两年已经过去了，也就是说我已经两年没有见到Wee Loong了。

还记得，遇见他时是我刚分手的时候。生命里最低潮的时候。

他是我其中的一位天使，上帝遣派来爱我的陌生人。：）

想起我们的相见，真的也很奇妙。

他是一个很内向，也不随便交朋友的男生，却那时对我那么呵护，关怀。

昨天聊天时，他告诉我，他知道那时是我最需要人关爱，他说，他知道我那时很不开心。。。

时间像飞一般的。。

Rick Warren 的书真棒。。他有那个gift, 用着文字去改变读者的一生。。。

主真好。

我应该知道自己的mission了。。

心里很感动，尤其是读到关于Rick Warren 爸爸临死前还要save one more for Jesus. 

说真的，一切都真的不重要了。

没有耶稣，没有认识上帝时，生命是那么的没意义，也不知道或者是为了什么。

只觉得生命很无聊，很meaningless. 

上帝啊，这两年啊，已经是我最棒的两年了。

The best is yet to come. :)

上个月和朋友们兴起到Big Bear Lake去游山玩水。

 

Don Moen

Ben just sent me the link. I will sing by Don Moen. 

All of these are God's promises to us. 

Do you not know?

Have you not heard? 

The Lord is the everlasting God, 

the Creator of the ends of the earth. 

He will not grow tired or weary, 

and his understanding no one can fathom. 

He gives strength to the weary 

and increases the power of the weak. 

Even youths grow tired and weary, 

and young men stumble and fall, 

but those who in the Lord

will renew their strength. 

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary, 

they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

 

Year 2010, I gave my heart to Jesus. It is that day, my life have been transformed. I am saved, by His grace. :) Thank you Jesus.

 

You don't make decisions because they are easy.

You don't make decisions because they are easy. 

You don't make decisions because they are cheap. 

You don't make decisions because they are popular. 

You don't make decisions because they are right. 

~Theodore Hesburgh

Wai Yee's Bible PHD graduation 2011. Her decision to follow Christ have changed her life.

God choose what we go through

God choose what we go through, we choose how we go through it. 

 The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. 

The pessimist fears it is time. ~ Robert Oppenheimer

 

Attitude more than age determines energy. 

~ Robert Schuller

From "The Choice is yours"

John C Maxwell

06th June 2012

LAX